N E W S R E L E A S E
For Immediate Release
Contact: Bobbie Richardson (830) 569-3586
Jimmy is bright, polite, and capable. He's also failing the 4th grade.
Distressing parent and teacher conferences have done little to stem the tide of Jimmy's defiance. And things aren't any better at home.
"This sort of defiance in capable youngsters is increasing at an alarming rate," says nationally recognized educator and psychologist Dr. James Sutton. "It affects 2-5 youngsters in every classroom across this country."
The clinical diagnosis for serious cases of this behavior is Oppositional Defiant Disorder, manifested by behaviors such as irritability, depression, poor school performance, blaming, arguing, spitefulness, and outright noncompliance. Sutton, author of "If My Kid's So Nice ... Why's He Driving ME Crazy? Straight Talk About the "Good Kid" Disorder" (foreword by Zig Ziglar), has been studying, treating, and training others on this disorder for over 20 years. He believes that ODD is often misdiagnosed and treated as Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD or ADD). Symptoms can be similar, but treatment and interventions are quite different.
"These youngsters are miserable," Sutton says. "But since they really are good kids, they are apt to paste a smile over their unhappiness and just keep on going. Sometimes they are afraid to tell us how they really feel; sometimes they don't have a clue. One thing is for sure; their behaviors speak volumes."
Behaviorally, these youngsters feed off the aggravation they cause adults. Sutton cautions against what he calls the "No-lutions," typical reactions of parents and teachers. "We try ignoring them, we plead and bargain, and we even threaten them. None of these work for long."
So how do we restore harmony at home and school with the oppositional and defiant youngster? In the book Sutton suggests three avenues to improvement: understanding, affirmation, and empowerment. "Truth is, we can become so upset with this child that we begin to pull away from him or her. It's subtle, but it's there. Simply understanding that the youngster is also upset can open the door to improved communication."
Short affirmations can be powerful. For instance, a parent could say, "Suzie, I know we disagree on things sometimes, but, through it all, I'm glad you're my daughter." The secret to making this affirmation "stick" is to ask a non-related question, to leave the room, or in some way to make it comfortable for the youngster not to respond. Notes and letters can accomplish the same thing in written form. The combined effect can be substantial.
Offering choices is the most common way to empower the youngster, and it better ensures that the child will initiate and complete that which he or she has selected. For instance, a youngster can be given five cards, each of which has an assigned home or school task written on it. The child is then told that, if he or she begins the tasks within 10 minutes, and completes them, only three need to be done; two cards can be returned. This simple approach not only eliminates a number of hassles, it is perceived by the child as being a fair and reasonable gesture.
"If My Kid's So Nice ... Why's He Driving ME Crazy?" contains many more suggestions and strategies for identifying, understanding, affirming, and empowering the oppositional and defiant youngster. These even include a collection of counter-provocative strategies called "Spit-in-the-Soup." The book contains a large chapter on school issues, and concludes with excellent suggestions for sustaining new and positive directions in relationships.
About the Author: Nationally recognized educator, psychologist, and author Dr. James Sutton has been studying oppositional and defiant behavior in young people since the mid-'70s. Today he is in demand as a consultant, trainer, and resource for parents and teachers. His workshop The Oppositional and Defiant Child continues to be delivered at major universities across the country, always bringing top ratings from the child service professionals and concerned parents in attendance.
The Book: "If My Kid's So Nice ... Why's HE Driving ME Crazy? Straight Talk about the 'Good Kid' Disorder"---17 chapters, 240 pages, 21 illustrations, references, glossary, and index. Published by Friendly Oaks Publications in hardbound edition with full color dust jacket ($23.95). It is available through any bookstore, or can be ordered by calling (800) 659-6628.
Free Article: Dr. Sutton has written a useful article for parents entitled "7 Tips for Getting Along Better with Your Kids." Obtain it free by sending a self-addressed, stamped envelope to TIPS, Box 672, Pleasanton, TX 78064.