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If My Kid's So Nice ... Why's He Driving ME Crazy (Sutton)
Winning Cooperation from Your Child (Wenning)
What Parents Need to Know About ODD (Sutton)
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(Use landscape mode to print out this article) James D. Sutton, EdD, Consulting Psychologist
Too often, folks buy a book to help them with their behaviorally difficult child only to find out that it didn't exactly address their specific needs. Youngsters can differ so much in their behaviors and in the way they manifest those behaviors that it is difficult for even a competent expert to cover every situation. Add to this the simple fact that every author writes from his views and experiences. (I'm using "he" here simply because all of these books happen to have been written by men.) So I've reviewed books on the subject of behavior (including my own; now there's a challenge for objectivity), especially behaviors of oppositionality and defiance. These authors have spent their professional lifetimes looking at these issues because they care about young people. None of them wrote their book primarily to earn a few extra bucks; but rather to share some ideas that have worked for them. Maybe this information will help you find what will work best for you. And keep checking this site; we'll be adding more reviews. NOTE: Books are listed in order of their year of release.
BOOK: The Difficult Child AUTHOR: Dr. Stanley Turecki PUBLISHER/YEAR: Bantam Books, 1985 DESCRIPTION: This is a landmark book that got folks to thinking. It finally put to rest the notion that oppositional and defiant youngsters were created that way because of poor parenting. Dr. Turecki discusses nine traits of temperament that were identified in 133 infants in the ground-breaking New York Longitudinal Study (it started in 1956 and lasted for 32 years). The results of the study are simple, but profound: difficult temperament can result in difficult behavior. Dr. Turecki discusses these traits at length in this book. A big plus is his Five Day Study Period. Using the structure Dr. Turecki provides, parents are instructed to closely monitor their child's behavior for five days, recording types of behavior, when and where they occur and other vital observations. This information is then used to structure specific, practical and effective intervention. AUTHOR'S STRENGTHS: Simply put, Dr. Turecki is a pioneer. He has changed the way we interpret and deal with difficult behavior in children. Dr. Turecki is the developer of the highly successful Difficult Child Program at Beth Israel Medical Center in New York City. LIMITATIONS: 1. This book primarily addresses difficult behavior that comes from difficult temperament. Other than considering comorbidity with hyperactivity (today we'd call it ADHD), the book doesn't really address other causes. 2. The book discusses younger children exclusively. 3. Behavioral problems associated with school are limited only a child's refusal to go to school. ESPECIALLY CONSIDER BUYING THIS BOOK IF ... You have a young child that seems to be temperamental by nature. Faithfully do the Five Day Study. You'll be pleasantly surprised how better able you are to manage this youngster.
BOOK: Back in Control AUTHOR: Greg Bodenhamer PUBLISHER/YEAR: Simon & Shuster, 1992 DESCRIPTION: This is a small book that packs a lot of wallop. Bodenhamer suggests that young people will want to do what they want to do (pleasant and fun things), so their resistance to doing something a parent wants them to do (a task that takes them away from pleasant and fun things) is not necessarily “bad,” but rather consistent with their nature. Problems occur when parents tolerate the child’s delays, stalls and promises to get the job done “later.” (Bodenhamer suggests that, when a mandatory rule is not clearly stated and promptly enforced, it becomes “optional” to the child.) When “later” doesn’t happen, parents become upset and the situation deteriorates into a screaming match with everyone miserable. Bodenhamer offers many excellent strategies for helping parents regain relationships and achieve appropriate control of their children. He offers substantial help for parents of adolescents (a weak area for a lot of books). Of particular value are two phrases he teaches parents to use to handle a child’s arguments quickly and effectively. AUTHOR'S STRENGTHS: Greg Bodenhamer is a “been there; done that” kind of guy whose Back in Control program came directly from his experiences as a juvenile probation officer. Apparently, his training program for parents is highly effective. Additionally, Bodenhamer has a great sense of humor (which helps in this business). It helps makes this book an easy read. LIMITATIONS: 1. This book is short and tightly focused (actually a strength). It would not be that helpful for parents wanting extensive information as to the “whys” of behavior or deeper parent-child issues. 2. Although Bodenhamer mentions his school-based Back in Control training program, there’s not much mention of school compliance issues in this book. Since parents are often embroiled in school-related issues, a bit more information about them in this book would have been helpful. 3. This book contains no references at all to the work of others in the field. It comes completely from Bodenhamer’s “take” (albeit a very experienced and informative take) on the topic. ESPECIALLY CONSIDER BUYING THIS BOOK IF ... You have a child or adolescent who tries to make your requests and rules “optional,” and you’d like some suggestions for rapid improvement.
BOOK: If My Kid's So Nice ... Why's He Driving ME Crazy? AUTHOR: Dr. James Sutton PUBLISHER/YEAR: Friendly Oaks Publications, 1997 DESCRIPTION: This book addresses the frustration of raising and teaching the youngster who is not so much in trouble for what he is doing, but rather what he is not doing. Dr. Sutton outlines issues of oppositional and defiant behavior (especially noncompliance) and offers insight into causes, including how the problem might look from inside the child and what adults typically do that unknowingly make situations worse. He offers interventions that focus on issues such as improving relationships and communication, redirection through humor, opportunity for structured choice and self-direction, and the "detoxification" of expectations. The largest chapter in the book addresses specific ways to achieve more success in the most critical compliance environment of all … school. AUTHOR'S STRENGTHS: Dr. Sutton is unique in that he is one of the few child and adolescent psychologists who has been a public school teacher. Today he speaks, trains and writes nationally on the subject of emotional and behavioral difficulties in young people. His clients include schools, child service agencies, juvenile justice authorities and residential facilities all over the country, as well as over four dozen universities. LIMITATIONS: 1. This not a book about Oppositional Defiant Disorder (although ODD is discussed in it). It is about oppositional and defiant behaviors (especially noncompliance), a broader application. 2. This book would not be that helpful regarding youngsters who are especially belligerent, confrontive or caustic in their behaviors toward adults. 3. This book is not recommended for anyone who feels that the child must do all the changing. This book makes it clear that lasting change always starts in the adult. ESPECIALLY CONSIDER BUYING THIS BOOK IF ... You raise or teach a youngster who may be personable much of the time, but yet has shut down to the degree and point that things are getting serious.
BOOK: The Defiant Child AUTHOR: Dr. Douglas Riley PUBLISHER/YEAR: Taylor Publishing Company, 1997 DESCRIPTION: The subtitle of this book pretty much sums it up: "A Parent's Guide to Oppositional and Defiant Disorder." Dr. Riley describes the ODD youngster as egocentric and arrogant in attitudes and power plays with adults. This being the case, the adults have to be equal to the challenge in terms of maintaining control and exercising tenacity and grit (which Dr. Riley discusses extensively). Three things stand out as being exceptional about this book: 1. He lists and discusses 12 "replacement thoughts and behaviors" that serve as guides for intervention. 2. He includes a range of options for dealing with especially tough defiance. 3. Unlike many books on the topic, this one contains plenty of material regarding adolescents. AUTHOR'S STRENGTHS: Dr. Riley is the ultimate therapist. He is highly successful with the sort of youngster that other therapists would send home after only two visits. His thoughts and interventions regarding Oppositional Defiant Disorder are not only pertinent and unique, they are very effective. LIMITATIONS: 1. Some folks have voiced concern that some of Dr. Riley's interventions border on being mean-spirited. Others support him, however, claiming that tough kids call for tough measures. 2. Other than citing the diagnostic manual once, Dr. Riley offers no references at all to support his work. 3. Parental investment into school success is limited to a short section in the book about getting feedback from teachers through progress sheets (with the child as the courier). More would have been helpful, such as face-to-face meetings with teachers and administrators, what parents need to know about modified and alternative programs at school, and options to consider if a child runs the risk of being retained in grade. ESPECIALLY CONSIDER BUYING THIS BOOK IF ... Your child is an adolescent or demonstrates in-your-face defiance, or both.
BOOK: The Explosive Child AUTHOR: Dr. Ross Greene PUBLISHER/YEAR: HarperCollins, 1998 DESCRIPTION: In many ways, Dr. Greene picks up where Dr. Turecki and the New York Longitudinal Study leave off. His keen observation of youngsters whose temperamental behaviors defy existing diagnoses motivated him to come up with a diagnosis of his own: the (chronically) inflexible-explosive child. He makes an effective case for how these kids are often victimized by their own nature, and shows how they are so easily nudged into behavioral episodes he calls "vapor-lock" and "meltdown." Dr. Greene suggests that many "explosions" can be avoided by monitoring the child's "cues" and by prioritizing and managing what it is we want the child to do. He calls this the "Baskets," a central concept in his work. Focusing on front-end rather than back-end intervention, Dr. Greene outlines how the same ideas also work at school. AUTHOR'S STRENGTHS: Dr. Greene has deep credibility. Not only is he the Director of Cognitive-Behavioral Psychology at the Clinical and Research Program in Pediatric Psychopharmacology at Massachusetts General Hospital, he is an Assistant Professor of Psychology in the Department of Psychiatry at Harvard Medical School. He and his constituents are among the "movers and shakers" in behavioral research. And he's been on Oprah! LIMITATIONS: 1. This is not a book about Oppositional Defiant Disorder. It is about youngsters who are, generally by temperament, inflexible and explosive. Compliance can be an issue, but sometimes the bigger issue is not getting a youngster to task, but rather getting them to change tasks. 2. This book would not be as helpful for the parent whose child is very defiant, but not particularly inflexible or explosive. 3. Some folks might be uncomfortable with the degree to which Dr. Greene negotiates choices with a child (especially with academic issues such as homework). ESPECIALLY CONSIDER BUYING THIS BOOK IF ... You can instantly identify with words like "vapor-lock" and "meltdown."
BOOK: Winning Cooperation from Your Child! (revised) AUTHOR: Dr. Kenneth Wenning PUBLISHER/YEAR: Jason Aronson, 1999 DESCRIPTION: This book contains a comprehensive method for dealing with defiant and aggressive behavior in children. Dr. Wenning painstakingly outlines a whole program for behavioral recovery (and structures it all for clinicians in the back of the book). There’s a unique part of this book that invites readers (parents) to take a hard look at nine facets of their parenting philosophy … a great place to begin. Dr. Wenning also includes an excellent section on how to teach youngsters to recognize and address the more “tender” feelings beneath their anger and inappropriate actions, as well as how to initiate improved self-control. AUTHOR'S STRENGTHS: Dr. Wenning is a clinician and scholar who not only studies the work of others, he is an active researcher himself. He incorporates the best strategies and approaches in this book. Further, Dr. Wenning is a compassionate and intuitive man who is especially skilled at helping the reader understand the sensitivities, fears and concerns of this child. He operates a private practice in Hamden, Connecticut. LIMITATIONS: 1. This book can be difficult to absorb, sometimes reading more like a college text than a self-help manual for parents. More early on “real life” examples of principles covered would have been helpful. 2. The book focuses primarily on children ages 2 through 11. It would not be as helpful regarding adolescents. 3. Although Dr. Wenning claims this book to be a resource for stopping aggressive behavior in children (which it is), his focus is on aggressive behavior that is reactive and mostly coming out of frustration. The book does not address unprovoked violent and aggressive behavior associated with deliquency or “full-blown” Conduct Disorder. 4. There is little in this book that would pertain to school-related problems. ESPECIALLY CONSIDER BUYING THIS BOOK IF ... You can handle a book this thorough and are willing to follow a very specific, systematic and detailed program for helping your child improve in their behavior.
BOOK: The Depressed Child AUTHOR: Dr. Douglas A. Riley PUBLISHER/YEAR: Taylor Publishing, 2000 DESCRIPTION: Dr. Riley follows his bestseller, The Defiant Child, with this one. Although he recognizes that biochemistry and environmental stresses on a child can precipitate depression, Dr. Riley explains that much depression in young people is due to negative and self-limiting thoughts and beliefs (even including those possibly related to suicidal ideation). He includes ten of these "Hopeless Beliefs" in the book, then goes on to discuss them in detail (a few include "death is an option," "no one will ever like me," "I must be going crazy," and "nothing will ever change"). Dr. Riley encourages parents to participate in a "rescue mission" to retrieve their child from depression, then explains in a step-by-step manner what parents can do to counter each "Hopeless Belief." He suggests a three-prong approach of intervention, which includes supporting and validating a youngster and their feelings, gently challenging them to "prove up" on their debilitating thoughts and beliefs, and helping them to replace irrational thoughts and beliefs with healthier ones. AUTHOR'S STRENGTHS: Dr. Riley is a nationally renown therapist. He writes and speaks with compassion, experience and deep authority. His insights and interventions are not relocated to theory; they were developed through astute observation in years of direct service to children and adolescents. LIMITATIONS: 1. Just because a parent can obtain and read this book doesn't mean they are necessarily equipped to implement what it covers. 2. There is also the possibility that just the opposite could happen, especially with those parents who might feel that they can follow Dr. Riley's suggestions and "fix" their child all by themselves. This is possible, of course, but not in all cases. Sometimes professional help is required. 3. In terms of intervention, this book takes a strongly cognitive, "talk it out with the child," approach to identifying and resolving depression in young people. In some instances, especially with young children, another approach (such as play therapy) might be more effective. ESPECIALLY CONSIDER BUYING THIS BOOK IF ... You think your child might be depressed and you want to access a wealth of practical insight and intervention.
BOOK: The Angry Smile AUTHOR: Dr. Nicholas and Jody Long PUBLISHER/YEAR: PRO-ED, 2001 DESCRIPTION: Dr. Nick Long and his wife, Jody, teamed up to write this update on their extensive research on passive-aggressive behavior (one type of ODD). In this book, the Longs discuss why people behave in a passive-aggressive fashion and share what they call "Five Levels of Passive Aggression". Specific manifestations of this behavior within the home and classroom settings are discussed, as well as the concept of "counter"-passive aggression ... things parents and teachers do in reaction to this child's behavior that only serve to make the behaviors worse. These dynamics are illustrated as components of The Conflict Cycle. Interventions for passive-aggressive behavior focus on awareness and redirection of one's on anger toward this child, the control of our own reactive behaviors that are not conducive to positive change, and a very effective intervention that Dr. Long has been teaching for years: Benign Confrontation. AUTHOR'S STRENGTHS: Since the late 60s, Dr. Long has been the ultimate authority on passive-aggressive behavior. (He shares that, early on, not many others were even interested in the subject.) His ideas and theories have not only been utilized with children in his charge (for years he operated a day-treatment program in the east), those he has taught have successfully implemented his interventions with thousands of young people. His Conflict Cycle (co-developed with Mary Wood) and Benign Confrontation are classic and timeless models ... that work. LIMITATIONS: 1. Although this book was published in 2001, the term Oppositional Defiant Disorder appears nowhere in it. The Longs have elected to focus on just one aspect of ODD, passive-aggressive behavior, and cover it exclusively. 2. Since this book focuses on passive-aggressive behavior, it does not speak to the more extreme ODD behaviors that border close to seriously aggressive or violent behavior. 3. Interventions in this book are chiefly relational, focusing on de-escalation of conflict and appropriate, productive confrontation. The book is light on specific ideas and tips for the structuring of specific task compliance. 4. Interventions seem to lean more heavily toward the school environment than home. ESPECIALLY CONSIDER BUYING THIS BOOK IF ... You want to tap into the wisdom, insights and experience of the foremost "been there; done that" expert on passive-aggressive behavior.
BOOK: What Parents Need to Know About ODD AUTHOR: Dr. James D. Sutton PUBLISHER/YEAR: Friendly Oaks Publications, 2003 DESCRIPTION: This program is an up-to-date resource for parents that incorporates information gleaned on the topic over the past 30 or so years. It is thorough. Using a unique workbook/audio format (with over two hours of recorded material on two CDs), Dr. Sutton examines the characteristics and causal factors of oppositional and defiant behavior, then specifies seven things we often do to make matters worse (The "No-lutions"). Unique to this program is a seven-item quiz parents can take to assess their readiness to work with their defiant son or daughter. Interventions include some strong ideas and concepts, such as "front-end" intervention, the changing of perception, and the "balancing" of expectations. Since effective relationships lie at the core of intervention, Dr. Sutton introduces the notion of RQ (Reasonableness Quotient), and shows how it can directly translate into more success with this child at home and school. This program concludes with information on comorbidity (how oppositional and defiant behavior can be associated with other conditions), how to locate a good therapist (if needed), and options for placement for youngsters who might not be able to remain at home. AUTHOR'S STRENGTHS: Dr. Sutton is thorough on this topic, having written a dissertation and another book on it already. Not only is this workbook audio program helpful for parents who are not included to sit down and read a book, Dr. Sutton's skills in the recording studio aren't bad either. LIMITATIONS: 1. Obviously, this is not a book. It would not be helpful for those who prefer to get all of the material in a written form. 2. Because of the format, each section is fairly brief. Some folks might prefer a more detailed treatment of the material. 3. Although this program contains a lot of intervention ideas for parents (including how to handle a parent-teacher conference), it contains few hands-on ideas and interventions for use at school. ESPECIALLY CONSIDER BUYING THIS BOOK IF ... You want to the latest information on ODD and other defiant behaviors in a compact and efficient format.
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