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James D. Sutton, EdD,
Consulting Psychologist
www.DocSpeak.com
This article appeared in the September 11, 1996, edition of the Baptist Standard, a news journal for Texas Baptists (readership approximately 1 million). Reprinted with permission.
She said to Him, "Yes, Lord, I have believed that you are the Christ, the Son of God, even He who comes into the world."
--John 11:27
The 11th chapter of the Gospel of John contains a lifetime of sturdy material from which to build a life. Martha, deep in grief over the loss of her brother, is asked by Jesus if she believes that He is the Resurrection, and that nothing can defeat His power over the forces of life and death---not even the grave of Lazarus.
The essence of Martha's response was one of simple faith: "I believe in You." Amid the turmoil in her life at that moment, there was at least one thing of which she was still very certain.
I'm a psychologist, certainly not a theologian, but I'm of the notion that the answer to Christ's question was primarily for Martha's benefit. Her response recognized Jesus as the Messiah, the Son of God, but Martha also gave us a glimpse of how we should treat each other.
"I believe in you." Shared in loving support, these can be four of the most encouraging words ever put together. They have the power to lift the spirit and bolster strength and confidence. A husband comes home and tells his wife that he has been laid off in the latest round of company cutbacks. "It'll be okay, Honey", she says, "I believe in you." A son comes home dejected, announcing that he was not selected for the varsity team, or a daughter reflects her disappointment at being passed over for cheerleader. "I can see that you are really upset about it," a parent shares, "but remember---I still believe in you." Our children need this sort of affirmation, but I am convinced that they don't hear it often enough.
Some youngsters hunger desperately for it. A few years back, while I was consulting with one of the BGCT (Baptist General Convention of Texas)-affiliated children's facilities in Texas, a 14-year-old girl shared something that touched me profoundly. "I would do anything, and pay any price, if just once my mother would say to me that she loves me and that I am going to be okay," she said in an instant of painful clarity. She went on to express that, if she could just have that much, just those few words from her mother, she could work out all of the other problems.
Make it a point to try it with your children. Pick your time carefully to say something like, "You know, I'm sure things are tough for you sometimes and that you have your days of doubts, but I just want you to know that, through it all, I believe in you--I believe...in you." It seems to work best if you say it almost casually, as if you are searching for the words as you say them.
Now, you probably won't get much of a response right then. It might even feel a bit strange as you actually say the words. Over time, however, these voiced observations and affirmations have a very positive and cumulative effect. Stick with it, and you will have given a precious gift of affirmation and confidence, a gift of value and direction. And, if someday you are ever asked about the occasion for this gift, just share that you are passing on something that was passed on to you---from Martha of Bethany.
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